Why is feedback scary?
Giving and receiving feedback is scary. For the majority of us, âfeedbackâ is synonymous with âcriticismâ. Because of this, the word has negative connotations and fills us with foreboding. Weâre hard-wired to avoid uncomfortable situations and, at worst, our brains tell us there couldnât be anything more uncomfortable than telling a colleague something negative, or hearing criticism about yourself. At best, we fear the awkwardness of an honest conversation with the people we work with.
If thatâs how you view feedback donât worry, youâre not alone. But you also donât need to be scared or put off by it. Feedback, when done right, can be hugely positive, beneficial and, most importantly, not intimidating.Â
How to do feedback the right way
When Kirstie Hawton became Head of People at Octopus, she realised feedback is integral to a friendly, collaborative work environment. âMy job was now to keep 800 people happy, and I quickly became an in-house agony aunt. When people raised issues, I always asked the same question: âHave you tried giving that person feedback?â The answer was always no â which told me we didnât have the right culture of sharing. Getting this right, for me, was key to making Octopus a better place to work.âÂ
Weâve become far more comfortable giving and receiving feedback at Octopus. Itâs changed our interactions for the better and made us happier overall. We know how scary it can be though, so here are some of the things that have really helped us find it less daunting.
Make your intentions positiveÂ
The most important thing to remember about feedback is that it should always come from a good place, i.e. wanting to help another person. This could mean anything from wanting to support their career to wanting to show them an alternative way to approach a problem. If everyone in the conversation is aware of the good intentions behind the feedback, both giving and receiving it suddenly becomes much less daunting.Â
Keep to a structure
Following a structure when giving feedback can help reduce anxiety around the best way to deliver your thoughts. Plus, you can ask for any feedback you receive to follow a specific form, alleviating any worry about being caught off guard with unhelpful comments.
There are a few different models you can choose from to structure your feedback:Â
1. PAID model
To follow the PAID model you need to make sure each piece of feedback given has the following elements:
P – Positive intentÂ
Why are you giving this feedback? Make sure itâs for the right reasons, to help the other person, rather than to get something off your chest.
A – Action
What have you observed about the person? Make sure itâs specific; instead of âyouâre always late,â say, âyou were late to the last three meetings I hosted.â
I – ImpactÂ
What effect did their action have on either you or the business? In the case of our late person, you could say, âwhen youâre late, it makes me feel like you donât care about what I have to say.âÂ
D – Desired outcome
What could the person do next time to improve? Offer your suggestions without being too forceful – these are just your ideas.Â
Donât forget, PAID can be used to give positive feedback too – it makes it all the more impactful and sincere to give additional details like the impact someoneâs positive actions have on you.Â
2. Stop, start, continue
Stop, start, continue does what it says on the tin: you tell someone what they should stop doing, what they should start doing and what they should continue doing. This system is great because itâs balanced and not personal, meaning thereâs less opportunity for the conversation to turn awkward.
3. Did well, could improve, how I could help you
Tell someone something they do well, something they could do to improve, and something you could do better yourself to support them. You can either use this looking back at a project/specific piece of work or use it to give ongoing feedback.
The words you use are important here. By suggesting an âimprovementâ youâre not criticising or saying they did something wrong, youâre simply offering something additional they could do to make things even better, taking the discomfort out of the interaction. Including the final point transforms the conversation from a potentially awkward âconfrontationâ to an open, honest chat, with both parties discussing things they could do to improve.Â
Make it face to face
As tempting as it may be to rattle off a quick email, feedback really should be done face to face. âWhen somethingâs written down, itâs easy for it to be misinterpreted, which can create tension,â explains Kirstie. Plus, you have the added fear of having to wait for the other personâs response. Itâs much better to have a casual chat. It doesnât have to be a big deal though – no big, scary meetings here. Just pop time in your colleaguesâ diary and have a chat over a hot drink. Â
Kirstieâs quick tips for dealing with feedback fear
In case youâre still feeling a little nervous, Kirstie has some quick-fire tips to help calm feedback-related nerves:
- Be specific
Feedback should never be general or personal. Focus on specific problems and solutions. - Timing is everything
Donât respond to an issue in the heat of the moment â or six months later, when everyoneâs forgotten about it. - Be yourself
When something doesnât feel right, call it how you see it. Itâs good to trust your instincts. - Think of it like a conversation
The main objective of feedback is to understand one another. Treat it the way you would treat any other professional conversation. - Focus on the good as much as the bad
Itâs easy to be too critical of yourself. Make sure you pay attention to all the positive feedback, too.
At Octopus, weâve found that sharing feedback has a really great effect on our working environment and our relationships with our colleagues. We know it can be a scary concept but have discovered that it doesnât have to be that way, so we hope our tips will help you feel better about both giving and receiving feedback.Â